From the Op/Ed pages of the Calgary Herald

Sadly, hugs have replaced handshakes

By Bronwyn Eyre, Calgary Herald April 5, 2011
We really don't do greeting and departing very well, do we?
Used to be, a brief, firm handshake was near-universal and seen to be classy and, in subtle ways, versatile. It worked between the sexes, required no awkward embrace and demanded a certain skill -a confident extension of the hand meeting the other's halfway for a two-or three-pump exchange. Simple. Satisfying. Sufficient.
I say the handshake "worked," past tense. Of course, it still does. But, alas, the venerable handshake has given a lot of ground to a variety of hugs: Half-hugs, kissy hugs, air-kissy hugs, gropy hugs, reluctant hugs, gratuitous hugs, inappropriate hugs, held-too-long hugs and just plain awkward hugs -especially those shoulders-together-bumsapart ones.
Where, oh where, did this wave of huggism come from? When I was growing up, I don't recall any great amount of hugging in any context -parents with children notwithstanding.
The handshake was the standard interchange and hugging, when it did occur, was pretty much restricted to -for lack of a better way of putting it -natural moments, such as between long-separated family members, funeral condolences, athletic victories and the like.
My parents say that, beyond babyhood, there was little if any hugging in their respective families. In fact, even family members shook hands -think young Prince Charles with the Queen. It just wasn't part of the mainstream culture.
Some say hugging in contemporary North America is our answer to the European double-cheek kiss. (In the Netherlands, by the way, the quadruple cheek-kiss is standard; and in Belgium, it's commonly six!) That's as good a theory as any, I guess, although I sometimes wonder if the hugging fad isn't a kind of awkward overcompensation among the texting tweeterati, who spend so much of their time in virtual one-onone communication.
But whatever its genesis, hugging certainly has taken hold.
Teenagers hug when they meet in shopping malls. Middle-agers hug when they meet for lunch. Dinner guests hug both when arriving and leaving. Even business people hug at business luncheons. I've seen newly introduced men and women hug each other.
Those people who offer official, on-the-street hugs to passersby strike me as the urban equivalent of the animated team mascot who offers huggie-wuggies to anyone who's receptive. It's all harmless enough, I suppose, but the neediness out there doesn't say much about our robustness as a people.
How interesting it would be to see the results of a survey into how people -by age, gender, ethnic background, etc. -regard the practice. I suspect that many who commit to the social embrace do so more from a sense that it has become socially obligatory than from a personal inclination -with men especially. After all, how many men really like doing the air-kiss thing?

I hasten to note I don't find all hugging offensive, improper or excessive. Obviously, it has its moments -ones that can be sweet, consoling, joyful or appropriate beyond words. But as with so much in life, it comes down to Aristotle's wise counsel of moderation in everything.

Handshaking itself can get excessive. I'll not soon forget the handshaking protocol I learned while in Germany visiting relatives: Handshakes first thing in the morning. At mid-morning snack time. At midday lunch. At mid-afternoon torte break. At dinnertime. And last thing before bedtime. At least, they did it well -neither the knucklecrushing vice grip at one extreme nor the limp finger tips at the other.

Doubtless, our enhanced awareness of germ transfer has made the handshake less common, and that's understandable. The fist bump would be an excellent and hygienic substitute. But for now at least, that knuckleson-knuckles interface lacks the gravitas often required in the moment.

Another greeting/departing model is the oriental bow. It's hard to quarrel with the classiness and dignity of that one. But let's face it, the bow -especially with hands closed in front of you while you do so -is way too alien and formal for us in the western world.

As for me and my house, I think I'll persevere with the handshake convention, if and where possible. It's got us through centuries of interpersonal relations and I hope it doesn't disappear entirely.




Bronwyn Eyre is a columnist with the StarPhoenix in Saskatoon.